I put all my guts in a bag and finally put my foot down.

I finally decided it was time to let David go.

I was growing increasingly exhausted trying to figure out whether or not he really liked me. Of course, that alone proves that he doesn't; yet somehow, just like a certified dope, I waited to see if he did. I'm not even quite sure what it was about him I liked so much. He is the master of mixed signals - always unsure, forever confused and never certain about anything. If you're indecisive, or better yet, want more than one thing at a time, he's your man. He is like the guru of all things ambiguous, so if you have an appetite for guessing games, you'd totally adore David. Yep. David the ambiguous prick.

I guess you could say my "thing" with him (or for him, I should say) was some form of self-torture. For a minute there I began to wonder whether I was somehow enjoying chasing this numb nut around. I told my brothers about him too (in an effort to get some sort of guy insight) - and they nonchalantly reprimanded me for successfully proving two theories with this stupid quest: that girls really are complicated and that nice guys really do finish last. I still haven't figured out why the assholes always appeal to me when the last thing I need is a guy that will drive me up the wall. I always thought I was the kind of girl that knew what she was worth and the kind that wouldn't just settle for anything less than the best. I always told myself that I deserve to be genuinely adored and cared for. I don't need to participate in the "upper-hand game". Yet I somehow found myself in the middle of it, battling it out even though I knew deep down inside I was going to lose.

You may find this hard to believe after all the things I've just said, but I'm actually not angry at him. In fact, I'd like to go on the record and say that I don't blame him for how things turned out between us. After all, I had a choice in this - and it's just unfortunate that I didn't make a good one.  I knew that he was confused, not ready, and was light years younger than I was in terms of maturity level. I was well aware of his track record and was mindful of the fact that he and I were simply two very different people. It was my choice to ignore the signs; it was my decision to jam the square peg into that round hole. I guess I just needed to make the mistake and re-learn the same lesson I learned from a similar experience two years ago. I don't think the lesson stuck the first time.

Now I can finally say I did something extremely beneficial for myself. I'm making a conscious effort to let go and move on - two of the possibly most difficult things in life. After spending countless weeks weighing pros and cons and hoping against hope that David will somehow "change", I am officially done with it. I think I finally realized that I love myself too much to waste my time on some dude who has a penchant for young girls and foolish cycles. 

David, if you're reading this...good bye!