Drunk and Chasing Pavements.

It's an amazing song by british artist Adele --- a song that I first heard as a cover done by someone else, actually. I grew to love it, and now I can't stop listening to it. I never really knew what it was exactly about the song that got me hooked so bad, but now I realize it... as cheesy as it sounds, the lyrics actually speak directly to my experience. And this experience, like many others, begins with a guy. Ugh.

Let's call him David. David and I have a bizarre thing going on - in fact, it is so bizarre I don't even have a name for it! I guess it's some sort of fascination with each other, because frankly, it isn't quite a legitimate attraction. I say this because David never really makes a move. EVER. He claims he's not ready, I say it's a bunch of horse shit. When a guy says that, it means he really doesn't like you. I mean, come on, what guy says he's not ready? And I mean, what the hell do you need to be ready for? The thing that bothers me most about David is that he likes to contradict himself a lot of the time. He asks me about the idea of dating (each other) and then goes right ahead and says he's scared to do it. Then why in god's name did you even bring it up, you jerk? I don't understand what the purpose of that was, but there was definitely no need to open up a box I wasn't trying to pry open in the first place. Additionally, he talks to me as much as he wants to and expects this "thing" we have to be some sort of friendship. Well, if you ask me, I think it's an even bigger pile of manure. I hate that he uses friendship as some sort of scapegoat, an excuse to keep doing whatever the hell it is he's doing. I hate all of this crap so much, but I find myself entangled in this situation every single time. Like this week, I avoided him for a couple days and somehow managed to succeed....until tonight, that is. We talked a lot while I was sloshed (not a great idea) and I was giving him the hardest time EVER. I hate myself for the things I end up doing BECAUSE of him, but the suckiest thing about it is I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to NOT CARE.

I'm such an ass. I'm attracted to the jerkiest guy in the world - a guy, who, essentially doesn't give a rat's ass about me and I go ahead and diss the first guy that genuinely likes me. I'm a mess, I'm complicating things when I don't even have to, and I'm tipsily blogging at 245am. Tell me, reader.... "Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads NOWHERE?....." 

Give me your answer. PLEASE.