Sometimes I'll complain about the weather, or the way my jeans fit (or don't fit). Other days it's hunger, or my hair, or my lack of patience when it comes to dealing with problems I have absolutely no control over. There are days when I google random stars and stare at their photographs, envious of the seemingly-perfect lives they lead. Then I come to the conclusion: life really isn't fair.
So oftentimes, after complaining, I get into this horrible mood that I begin to transcend outwardly - and I start getting irritated off of the smallest things for the smallest reasons. It's like I transform into the grouch or a really grumpy twenty-something, who really shouldn't be grumpy in the first place. I catch myself in a bad mood and shame comes over me. I realize how easily ungrateful I've become.
As cliché as it sounds, there really are a lot of things in my life to be thankful for. Then again, it's so much easier to overlook them and focus on what I don't have - like a skinnier me, a car, a more sufficient bank account, a significant other, a secure future, nicer things, etc. etc. Call me shallow and superficial, but these things get to me. And I hate it.
A few days ago, as I was straightening my already-straight hair, secretly wishing I had Vanessa Hudgens' natural curls instead, I looked around my dainty room. I saw my canopy bed, and my fluffy rug, stared at my shelves filled with numerous books and screenplays, glanced at my trusty 'ol mac and my red brick external usb drive, and looked down onto my carpeted floor and saw my pink and white palm centro. Then I looked at myself in the mirror, clutching the hot straightener, and I slowly surveyed my pair of legs, complete with all ten toes, my two arms, with normal-looking hands, a proportionally-shaped torso, (a little tubby on the sides, but that can be changed), and my head that features my face, with my two eyes, a nose, a mouth and a pair of ears. Whenever I complain about what life doesn't give me, my mom says I have to be thankful that I have a complete, healthy body - that I am physically able to do things and go after what life has to offer. As I gave myself another once over, and looked around briefly at the various material things I own (but tend to overlook), I realized, that I really had nothing to complain about.
Complaining doesn't bring me closer to my dreams and goals, nor does it help boost up my character. In fact it does the exact opposite: it kills that side of me that I like the most about myself, which is my optimism. Whenever I complain, I become this negative, Debbie-downer character, going around showering people with my attitude and negative vibes. I have a natural inclination to believe that there is something good in store for me (and everyone, for that matter) as long as you have faith and work hard. But when I complain, all that disappears, and I see the world with my bitter-goggles and think that life only caters to the already rich and famous. I envy the rest of the world and the smile that frequents my face turns into a horrendous pout, and I begin to resemble a nasty-looking hag. Or a persian cat.
So this year, I'd really like to work on not complaining.
