The Realest of Love.

"How many times have you fallen in love?", I asked, hoping to hear the word 'once'.

"Twice", he said.  Twice, I thought, my heart, sinking a little as I looked into his eyes and attempted to induce a change in response.  For a quick second there I felt a slight sense of disappointment, finding out that he had fallen in love prior to meeting me. Then he said something that changed my world forever -

"But ours is different. I feel like this - this, is real love."

Real love - the concept still clamoring in my head. I had never experienced it before either, and he pulled it right out of my mouth. That's what made our love so different, so unique; the fact that it was real. We spend hours upon hours a week talking about ourselves to each other, discovering hidden truths, untold secrets and enchanting kiddy stories from our pasts. We discuss our futures endlessly, planning our lives ahead like strategic analysts, hiding our fears of financial failure behind optimistic eyes. We argue too - and oh hell, do we argue; about the silliest things that don't even deserve arguing, like why he doesn't keep his car warm when I'm in it or why I don't ever put my shoes away properly. But underneath it all, underneath his snarkiness and my brattiness, the realness of our love surfaces the way oil does with water - you can see it and feel it. Somehow, the term "madly in love" just doesn't cut it...because I feel like there's more to it than that.

I love him in a way I myself can't even explain. He loves me the way I've always dreamt somebody would - and I couldn't be luckier. I come home to the greatest man I've ever known after a shitty day at work, and when I crawl into bed and rest my head on his shoulders, my fears, my worries, and all the pain I've ever felt just goes away and I feel free. 

FREE.

The realest of love has set me free.

Expensive Happiness.

I wonder if happiness comes at a price.

I say this because I feel guilty for being happy, excited and optimistic. I feel guilty because the ones closest to me don't really feel the same way about their lives - and when I think about the good things that are happening to me, I am interrupted by sudden thoughts of their current dispositions, and I feel worse knowing there is nothing I can do to help. I don't want to be selfish and ignore them; and even though it is probably easiest to do that, I find myself constantly looking back - and I'm afraid that if I keep going like this, I'll end up neglecting myself and the dreams I've long been nurturing.

My happiness does come at a price...and I'm slowly realizing that I may not be able to afford it.