I Forgot About Me.

It took me three days to realize that I am beyond what I'm feeling. After some serious sulking, a couple screams into my fluffy brown pillow, and a chubby slice of banana cream pie, I began to feel a slight sense of relief. My problems didn't disappear, and I sure still haven't gotten my own way, but I did remember that somewhere inside me there's a tiny dose of strength - and that's enough to get me through this: the shittiest period in my life. I guess I've been battling all these things inside me, deciding between the things I want and can't have, and the things that I need that are much more practical for me. I'm stubborn and a little too hesitant. I'm stingy with giving chances even though clearly, it's not a bad idea to give it. For a minute there, I forgot the girl that grew up in Orange County, the one that was so strong and resilient, so confident and secure. I was starting to turn into the girl I used to be before I moved out for college - and I was hating every second of it. I realize now that I can't compete with the girls here --- simply because I'm not like them. I was letting things get the best of me, I was acting out of character.

I was beginning to forget the real me.

I haven't quite fully recovered from my slight lapse of character, but I can honestly say I feel much lighter than I ever did in three days. Now that I've had my moment of enlightenment, I can move towards getting better. I can't wait to be back in full force.