It's an hour and a half past noon, and I have just woken up.
My stomach feels weird - although I have an inkling that the snickers bar and the two twixes I engulfed this morning could have something to do with it. I temporarily forget what day it is, then I remember - oh, it's Thursday, and my mind quickly floats away into oblivion. I don't even have to remind myself what I'm doing today because it's the same as yesterday - work. Little by little, I can feel my life losing purpose. I'm bored, agitated, depressed. My husband, exasperated by my constant bouts of pessimism, can offer me no consolation. It is impossible to comfort me - unless you are a new, more fulfilling job or an acceptance letter to graduate school. I close my eyes, try to go back to sleep, and fail miserably.
In many ways, I am blessed. It is a proven fact that I somehow refuse to believe. These days I can only see walls, hurdles and impossibilities - and for some reason, I cannot comprehend the idea that there are good things beyond those barriers. I've become a sourpuss, so I live everyday hoping it's not my last and impatiently wait for change to happen. It's all so... pathetic.
I live in a room where the sun barely shines, and work at a job that takes up all my time.
I'll stop here before I end up writing a song. Damn. Even my writing is starting to crumble.
1 comments:
June 13, 2009 at 12:52 AM
hey champ,
its jdm. hang in there okay? having a job is not the end of the world. in fact, its pretty lucky, and u can use that money when u do apply for gradschool this fall. katie hated her job too but look where she is now! all financially stable haha its gross. youre capable of great things, its just a matter of waiting and being patient. <3
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